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Introduction

Surviving as a Christian can be and is difficult. Being a lad can cause extra complications. However, where Jesus is, so is Holy Spirit bringing fruit, i.e. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and selfcontrol. (Galatians 5 v 2223). The mark of a Christian will be known by his fruit. Jesus calls us to love each other and to have unity.

Unity

A good example of unity is playing in a football team. If the goal keeper decides to walk away then goals against you will be scored and likewise you need forwards to score goals. Without a team you will not win matches! We get a better example of unity from the early church in the book of Acts. They regularly met together to worship, study, pray and eat together. They shared their possessions, sold possessions so as to help the poorer members and I am sure they shared their problems with each other, there was a great sense of accountability. (Acts 2 v 4247).
Why did they have this unity and accountability, because they all had one thing in common. Their belief in Jesus Christ as God, their friend and Saviour was their source of unity. God has adopted us into his family, and if God is our Father then we are all brothers. The early church members also had a great love for each other as their love came from Jesus and his teachings.

Love

When Jesus was teaching in the temple courts in Jerusalem, the Sadducees and Pharisees questioned him and tried to test him. The Sadducees were mostly wealthy and influential and held prominent positions in the Jewish supreme council, as did the Pharisees. Their supreme concern was to uphold the religious laws and traditions of the Jewish faith. They were so concerned with their importance and upholding tradition that they did not show love or care for the common people. In order to justify themselves, a Pharisee tested Jesus, hoping to trip him up and asked, “What is the greatest commandment?”
Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself.” Mark 12 v 3031
And this second commandment is what the early church were doing, they preferred the needs of each other. And this is what will help you survive as a Christian. 1 John 4 v 1921. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must love his brother.

Being a Christian and living as a Christian is not easy. We are tempted and tested everyday, wanting more money, more possessions, swearing, hurting others with our words, jealousy, power, sex, pressure to conform with others. Surviving as a Christian is not easy, but if we are loved and accepted by each other then we can survive and grow in a closer relationship with Jesus. Love between Christian lads is unique and special, something we should strive for and hold onto. There are four aspects of love and unity that we need to think about; acceptance, intimacy, giving and encouragement.

Acceptance

We are all very different. Some are scholars, some are sporty, some are practical. We have all been brought up differently. Some are shy, some are extrovert, some are quiet, some are loud, some have a low selfconfidence, some are bigheaded. This is great because it would be a boring world if we were all the same. But because there are differences then personality clashes can happen, and we may annoy each other. But we should accept each other as Jesus accepted us. He died for all of us, not just people with nice personalities. One of the reasons for splits in unity is when we do not tolerate or accept each other. If there is someone whose actions or personality really annoys you, what do you do? Talk about them behind their back, ignore them! No pray for them asking God to love them, get alongside them and make the effort to love them.

Intimacy

Meet together regularly, in fact it is good to be in a small group which meets regularly to study the Bible and pray together, you can develop strong and close friendships. Friendships don’t usually just happen, but they need developing and by meeting regularly you can develop close friendships with people you thought you had nothing in common. Join a small or house group. In these groups you can talk and have the opportunities to share the problems you have at home, with parents, at school, perhaps bullying, perhaps girlfriend problems, or you are just down. Many people do not have places where they can go and meet and talk with people about their hassles, so use them. In a small intimate group we can talk, listen and pray for each other. We are accountable to each other.

Giving

We should be prepared to sacrifice and give our time and possessions to each other. Acts 2 v 4445. ‘All the believers were together and had everything in common, their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.’ If one of us is in need of help, with studies, or a job at home, whatever, be prepared to give up some of your time and help him out. Somebody may need to borrow a bike or shin pads, football, CD, then be prepared to loan it to that person. When we give we should not expect to receive, as Paul said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” We should also give with a cheerful heart (2 Corinthians 9 v 7). God will reward us for our righteousness, but maybe not until we are with him in heaven. Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. (2 Corinthians 9 v 6). Be prepared to sacrifice your time and possessions for each other. Time to talk, to have fun, to help each other with work and studies. We should be servants for each other, do not be proud but humbly serve each other, prefer each others needs. Take Jesus as your example, he came not to be served but to serve. He even humbled himself to wash his friends feet (John 13 v 5). Would you?

Encouragement

Nowadays, whether at school, college, work or the football field, people are more and more competitive and they tolerate fools less. Regularly encourage and congratulate one another. Tell somebody they played the bass, or the drums, or whatever well at wherever or thank them for a prayer they said, or a wise comment, or if somebody played a good game of soccer or lead a Bible study. Be encouragers, it makes others feel good about themselves. Phone each other or write to each other to check each other out and encourage take an interest in each other. In the letter to the Hebrews, it is written, ‘And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10 v 2425

Love for each other between lads, is not nambypamby thing but it is special and unique. Let there be love and unity within us, Jesus put a lot of emphasis on unity and prayed for the unity of the disciples (John 17). To survive as a Christian lad, we need to accept, encourage intimacy, be willing to give time and possessions, and encourage and serve each other.

A Story

There was a man who had been a very enthusiastic Christian, but he was now finding it hard to survive as a Christian, he was less enthusiastic about his faith. Therefore he went to visit a wise old friend. They sat in front of the coal fire, and the man opened his heart. He told the wise old man he had lost enthusiasm for loving others, his enthusiasm to be a Christian, his enthusiasm for loving God, he had lost his enthusiasm for reading the Bible and for prayer. The wise old man didn’t say anything but he took two tongs and took a red glowing coal out of the fire and put it on the cold hearth, slowly it lost its glow and was getting cold and turning black.

So silently he picked it up again with the tongs and put it back in the fire and the coal started to glow again.

How should men act today? What image should blokes have? “Growing‑up male today.”
Girl power takes the trousers off men and leaves them naked!
Joke ‑ What’s the difference for men between the toilet and Match of the Day? Men never miss Match of the Day!

Ladism (Do anything you want to do).

Society is heating the temperature up for blokes. Christians tend to be thermometers (reflect the temperature) for society, when we should be thermostats (change the temperature).
In our society, we have two main idols:‑
Pleasure. We live in a feelings dominated society. We need to get as much pleasure in life as possible! When you live on feelings though, what are you left with when the feelings have gone. People are addicted to feelings and pleasure.
Image. It is all about the surface. What you look like! Buy into it ‑ the way we get pleasure is by having a certain image. The Christian response should be, “I don’t love you for what you look like, it’s who you are!” We should not accept the image the media are trying to sell us ‑ we own our own image. We shouldn’t allow them to sell our image back to us. The reason we do allow the media to control our image is because we want acceptance, we want to be loved. As blokes though, we tend to be afraid of commitment. We are afraid of letting people close. We try to compare ourselves to others and then find ourselves rejected.

Where is God in all this?

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God ‑ this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is ‑ his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12 v 1 & 2
My image does not belong to the world, it belongs to God. God made a beautiful creation, but it is only humans out of all creation that were made in God’s image. Don’t be a surface person.
Who you are, should be the same in the dark! Take God’s image and live for Him. Perform to an audience of one! Freedom cost Jesus and it will cost us. Live for reality.

How should we act as a bloke?

Men are encouraged to see themselves in distinct roles separate to women. However, these roles are normally at the expense of women.
We know more about prodigal fathers than prodigal sons ‑ so where are our male role models today?
The dominance men are encouraged to have over women is normally at the expense of our relationships. Pornography is a doomed search without love. It causes men to think that women are there as objects for men’s pleasure. How does this make a women feel? Being thought of as a man’s toy. Sexism (treating people differently because of their sex), undermines the fabric of who we are.
We need to re‑find our roles as blokes. We are being conditioned into how we should act.

What does God think?

Males and females are both made in the image of God. God lives in relationship and so we image God when we are in relationship ‑ not just girlfriend/wife, but relationships between men and men and men and women.
The name Eve means helper. The word used is only used in describing one other person in the Bible ‑ the Holy Spirit.
Sexism happened because of the fall. The created relationship before the fall was equality.
Sexism is sin and the church should create relationships pre‑fall. There are physical differences between men and women. Generally, blokes are physically stronger (but not when it comes to pain!). But the only real biological differences are that females can have children and breast feed.

How can we empower women in the church?

1 Corinthians 12‑14. God gives gifts to all people for the sake of the church. If women are not allowed to exercise these gifts, it is at the expense of the church.

Where do we start?

We are not in the state we should be. As blokes we have blown it. There is a massive pain in society especially around blokes and we feel a need to express it. Jesus cries from the Cross for our pain and broken‑ness. Jesus Christ was a fulfilled man ‑ let’s make him our role model.
Don’t feel guilty as a bloke ‑ be affirmed by God as a man. Be a man after God’s own heart.

Sex and Sexuality

God made your sexual organs. We have been designed by God to be sexual. Blokes are different to women (in terms of attraction). Blokes tend to be stimulated by sight and physical things.
This is not necessarily bad, God made sex to be expressed in marriage. Sex does not make sexuality. You can be a sexual being but not sexually active. The perfect example is Jesus.
Sex is best within a relationship. Men and women are the only creatures that God made to have sex face to face.
Sexuality belongs to God. The world steals our sexuality and then tries to sell it back to us. Sex is worshipped instead of God.
Lies told by the world:‑
1. Love = Sex
2. Sex = Sexuality
3. Sex is just a physical act
4. You can have sex without emotional ties (this leaves us emotionally numb but sexually aroused).
5. To be a normal fulfilled bloke, you must have sex.
Sex is like ‑ two pieces of cardboard super‑glued together. When you try to tear them apart, one side (or both) will get torn.

Where is God in this?

God does not meet us when we are sorted, he meets us in our broken‑ness. Go to God.
Sexuality is our most broken part of our society. God can make us clean and forgive us. Jesus will meet us where we feel we have blown it. Jesus in Revelation says, “Behold, I make all things new.”
We must choose to go God’s way. Christianity is not about what you do ‑ Christian’s behave this way because they are Christian’s. Choose purity. The fruit of righteousness is joy, peace and life. We should not conform to the standards of this world but be transformed. God has given us so much. The temptation is to give it all up for instant gratification.

Choose Purity

Personal and private life. 2 Corinthians 10 v 5. Make every thought captive. You can’t stop the sexual thoughts going on, but you can stop them making a home in your life. Don’t play on lustful thoughts. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Philippians 4 v 8. Exercise control.
External life in groups. Choose purity with your eyes. Don’t take a second look. Be careful where your gaze goes. Girls know you’re doing it. Beware of how your actions are coming over to girls. Beware of what you’re doing. Touch to a woman is far more evocative. The Kingdom of God is the kingdom of right relationships. “The biggest killer in these days is loneliness.”
Mother Teresa. “Celibacy without community is impossible.” St Augustine.
Intimate relationships. How can we most please God? Romans 12 v 1. Compare yourself to God’s standards, not the worlds:‑
If you’ve got a girlfriend, talk to her about physical things. Don’t be selfish. Talk about it with other males. Get into minimal damage relationships. Sometimes we want to run sexually before we can walk. What would you be really happy with another bloke doing to the person you are marrying.
Bikini rule ‑ don’t touch anything covered by a bikini. Don’t spend hours kissing. Think, pray, talk.

We live ONCE ‑ there is no rehearsal.

Colin Piper

1. Love God.

Philippians 2 v “Even if I am poured out…

2. Love the young people.

3. Be real - be yourself. Be exactly that.

4. Believe in the young people that you’re working with.

5. Stand with the young people when they are in it.

6. Have a laugh with the young people. (Create memories).

7. Cry with the young people.

8. Share the triumphs with the young people.

9. Confronting the pains.

10. Have (big) dreams for the young people.

11. Let the young people live their own lives. Let them go.

This seminar is all about personal involvement and I am expecting folks to input very heavily! No answer can be wrong - I am expecting your own personal reflections! I am applying the term discipleship in living in close quarters with your disciples. they will get to know all your feelings, faults, happiness, etc….

Be Prepared

Aim is to help the delegates ‘become’ and to help them get in touch with any feelings, prejudices they might have about a variety of issues. Role play four possible scenarios. The room will be split into four groups or more if necessary:-

Sex - You are invited to attempt to talk one person into having sex outside of marriage. How would you advise a teenage girl/boy when friends are encouraging her/him to have sex?

Drugs - You are encouraged to attempt to get someone to smoke or to take some drug. What is the current ‘trendy’ drug? How do you advise? What information do you know about drugs? What information do you need?

Family - You are to split into a family unit and ‘discuss’ the latest school report of your children. What issues can you think of that are relevant to families? Do you support parents or young people? Does this mean conflict with parents?

Peer - Two people will be removed from the group and directions will be given about what to do next! In what ways are peers positive or negative? How would you respond to the bullying issue?

Feed back on how the groups felt doing the above and then debrief to deal with any tensions or hurts that might still be felt.

We will now role play some of the world’s worst approaches to discipleship and then work out a strategy to deal with them. You will be encouraged to make the most irrelevant, uncreative and abysmal approaches as possible! (Let’s try to get it out of your system!)

Know your feelings around certain issues. I can only offer advice and I hope that that is what we have achieved today. It is up to you to start to think about these and other subjects and reflect on them so that when they arise you are prepared!

When advising people on these issues…. DON’T PREACH. Use phrases like, “I have found that….”

Dress People

How do people identify - one of the first identity responses is… dress. Let’s look at dress. We will split male and female and ask groups to ‘dress’ stick figures (both groups will dress figures of different gender and different types.

Ask yourself:-

What clothes will they wear?

What magazines/papers/books will they read?

What music will they listen to?

What TV will they watch?

What will their families look like?

What education would they have or had?

What jobs will they do?

Where will they live?

What Motivates You?

This part will help you look at your own understanding of what evangelism and relationship building means in the context of discipleship. When you disciple you can have a motivation to win souls and disciple… or can you? What tensions exist in evangelism and loving unconditionally?

Great Command

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’” Matthew 22 v 37-39

Great Commission

“Therefore go and make disciples of all cultures, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” Matthew 28 v 19

In small groups discuss the differences between these verses. Is there a tension between loving unconditionally and yet wanting to convert? What do you do when someone says they no longer want to be a Christian? How long do you disciple?

“Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.” Habbakuk 2 v 2

There is nothing wrong with planning and being directional about